It's Like Trying to Fit a Computer Into an IPod Sleeve.

So I was eating chopped strawberries today (with sugar on them...my favorite) and was thinking about absolutely nothing but how wonderful the strawberries tasted. It was a nice feeling.

I came up with the title's analogy last night, while thinking of how adults try to be teenagers. It seems as though there are too many of them. I'm guessing they just don't want to grow up. But then, since time forces them to, their minds still stay a little bit young. But then when their kids get to be that age, the adults are trying to be best friends with their kid(s) friends. And it's just...not possible to be that. There is a point when it just gets ridiculous. The kid will just be not happy. The adult had their time to be a teenager, and they choose now to try to take that away from their kid. And it does take away from it, because kids need to be kids, adults need to be adults, teenagers need their time to be a teenager.

The adults who get it right are the reasonable ones. They keep to themselves, but can still have fun with their kid and their kids friends if the situation arises. Not a party pooper, but not trying to start a party that is destined to be a disaster. They are in touch with the child side of them, but still maintain the balance of being a responsible adult.

On a different note, I'm listening to Marcy Playground. They are awesome.

Xann is coming over! (I'm excited).

Much love, and cheers to sugared strawberries, one of the many lights of this world.

My Snails are at it Like Rabbits.

See the bubble with the circle and arrow by it? All those little specks are baby snails. Last night, I counted over ten of these little packs all over my tank. Less than five minutes after I had taken this picture, the snails had spread apart and set off to start their lives. That's a pretty fast hatching process, wouldn't you think? And I keep losing count every time I try to count how many snails there are. I'm pretty sure they'll keep my tank sparkly clean, given that they eat algae. I just hope they don't overtake the tank, if that's possible. And I hope they don't bug Jasey either. Both Toothpaste and Zoomacr_m died. I think they didn't eat, they probably hadn't figured out the whole food thing yet in the new environment.

Just thought I'd show you how much fun my snails are having. They aren't boys or girls, so they can mate with any other snail. And they have the necessary stuff so that if they need to reproduce they can do it all by themselves? Odd, right? Eh, and cool at the same time.

Good day.

We Can't Run, But People Sure Are Trying

The world is changing.
Human beings are becoming more vicious. It's harder for people to get along. Fights over stupid things, overreactions for the little things that DON'T MATTER AS MUCH AS YOU THINK THEY DO. The presidential speech, for instance: Everyone's flipping out about it. How President Obama talked to the kids. Presidents Reagan and Bush both talked to the kids in the schools. Now, everyone's freaking out about Obama doing it. This guy is stressed enough, and he's trying his hardest. He really is. If people would step out of their judgements and see the reality of it all, it would save them a lot of headache.
The world is in a chaotic state. The economy is dive bombing, and our stability is disappearing beneath our feet.

In the end, we will all have to unite as one and create a revolution. We will make history, we will make it right. 2012 will come, and I don't believe we will all drop dead and the world will explode. There's going to be big changes, yes. It's already started, and it has to get worse before it gets better. The big turnaround will come, and we just need to believe in ourselves and everyone around us.

God knew what he was doing when he put us here. He still knows what he's doing. There's a reason we were all born at this time, why our lives are crossing paths with these events.

We need to find the balance in our lives. The stress is inevitable. But have your escapes. I lose myself in a novel or writing assignment, or dance to my music on too loud. You can't get lost in it for too long though, you can't fool yourself. Just forget the world for a little bit, but not so much where you can't handle the truth. You can't always use your escape, or it will become a curse.

"Wherever you go, there you are." You can't escape. You can only have a window and forget.

Know your boundaries. Open your hearts, and realize that life happens. It's not the end of the world when you feel like you can't take it any more. You can handle it. You were meant to.

I have faith in President Obama, our leaders, and everyone around me. If we fight, we fail. There will be a point where our differences mean nothing.

Love is the only thing in the end that will hold us together.

Samuel James Turner

I'm sitting here, thinking hard about the past year. Yesterday was Samuel James Turner's first birthday. I didn't get a chance to post, because I didn't know what to write about. But I'm still in the time zone. A year ago today, I sat in the hospital watching Colby, Courtney, and us passing around Smokey. My little nephew, who is growing up. The love that filled that room, and the entire experience was beyond something I'll remember forever. I will carry those memories on until after I die.

On the night of August 28th 2008 we knew Courtney had been in labor all day. We were just waiting for her to get farther along (it was a 24 hour labor, so we had to time it where we were waiting for a few hours only). We get the call saying it's time to come, and in fact we needed to be there two centimeters beforehand. Then Colby calls and asks if we can swing by Pleasant Grove and get Joseph on our way to the hospital. My Mom never drives crazy, she goes sixty on the freeway on a normal day.
We get Joseph, and my Mom was so frazzled, he had to give her directions. It's after 3 AM now, and we get there. Sign in, go up to their floor. In the room, Courtney is hooked up to oxygen and they had just hooked up her Epidural. After she and Colby had their fun pressing the button over and over (the one that gave off more of the medicine) she got giddy. It was awesome, and lightened everyones mood. I think reality hadn't quite settled in yet. At one point, she called out for everyone in the room to listen to her (there were lots of people there, nine people in all including her) and promptly said, "Everyone, even you Colby, in this room needs to get pregnant so they can have an epidural. Colby! Colby! Pinch my ass! I won't be able to feel it!!!"
It made us all laugh. Then Colby fed her ice chips, and we decided to give them privacy. The waiting room was a lonely place, no joke. It was just us, for most of the time. I took a nap, but I couldn't really sleep. I fell in and out, listening to my music. I don't even think I heard it--I can't remember what I listened to. Just how...unreal it all was.
Joseph and I played a card game, it was around five by then. It was a complicated game (or so it felt like it) and I kept forgetting the rules as we were playing. I can't remember if he was frustrated or not, but he sure was patient with me.



My Dad showed up, and I got a big pack of strawberry twizzlers from the cafeteria. I remember he was texting Jen the whole time, but I suppose she was his fiance at that time.

Courtney got further along, and once we heard she was fully dilated Courtney's Mom, my Mom, Krissi, and I rushed and listened at the door for something. Normally this wouldn't be allowed, the whole clogging hallways thing, but he was the only one being born at that time on the nearly empty floor so they allowed it. It was crazy, and I heard his cry. My Mom didn't believe me, until the nurse at the counter smiled and said he was the only one being born right then. And then we watched different people go in the room, but Colby and Courtney wanted a half hour to themselves, so we went back to the waiting room. What was longer than half an hour later, we were allowed to go in one by one. Courtney's Mom went first, and then my Mom. At some point I was allowed in, and Colby was standing there holding Smokey, a look on his face I had never seen and don't know if I will ever see again. His long dark hair covering one of his eyes. But he tilted him toward me, and said "check out his hat," so affectionately I almost burst into tears on the spot. But I reached over and looked at my nephew.



I asked if I could hold him, and Colby handed him to me like he had done it a thousand times.

Colby went back over to Courtney, who was so out of it and tired.


And we came back the next two days, the last two days we had with him.
It was the deepest kind of love I've ever felt. It's something I consider sacred, and I feel pity for those who don't want children. A life isn't lived if you don't have that.
I agree with Courtney in that she was meant to birth Samuel, just for Melinda and Jonathan. It happened the way it was supposed to, he's with amazing parents who love him so much. It can't be any other way. He's a blessing on all of our lives, and with the pain comes love so strong.
I'll never forget, and I don't think anyone who was in that hospital room that morning will either.

I love Smokey so much, and I hope to get to know him as he grows. I hope to spend time with him when he's old enough, if that's even possible.

I'm so glad it's an open adoption, and Jon and Mel are the people they are. They are truly amazing people, and I love them for everything they do. People don't get any more softhearted, kind, and loving than them.

Happy Birthday yesterday Sammy, love you forever. Cheers to my nephew, Melinda, and Jon for everything.